Today I Am 30.

Chris —  April 3, 2012

Today is my 30th birthday. I woke up late rushed to work. Did my job. I marked the day with lots of hugs from co-workers, happy hour with my church community, and phone calls to family. It was a good day.

At my most cynical, I find myself angry and confused. When I was younger, I followed the path reccommended by family and the churches I grew up in. But I felt burned by that path, and with not a little thrill-seeking and self-righteousness, attempted to carve out another one. I threw myself into ministry and missions and tried to live out my faith. At my most cynical, I look at these seasons and angrily wonder what I have to show for it.

At my most idealistic, I have an abiding faith that I am exactly where God wants me. Through prayer and therapy and the patience of dear friends, I’ve worked through some baggage and found silver linings of many clouds. I have lived a life with a fair share of adventure and risk, and have the scars to prove it. These days, I live in a city I love, am learning from an awesome graduate program and serve with an amazingly incarnational church. At my most idealistic, I’ll grin, look you in the eye, and tell you I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My twenties have constantly vaccilated between these two extremes, often in the same day. I have high hopes that in my 30s I’ll grow in my idealism, take more risks and come closer to the man God wants me to be. I have no plans to abandon my cynicism either. Instead I pray that God shapes it toward something less bitter, and more akin to wisdom and prophecy.

Simply put: 20s have been fun, but I banking on 30s only getting better.

Related posts: