Today I turn 31 years old.  I’ve learned a few things….mostly the hard way.  Here are a few lessons I wish I had known before about the three things that take up most of my thoughts: God, Girls and Growth.

Girls

1.  Girls want to be asked out.
A few years back I realized that, due to a string of crises, I hadn’t been on a date in years and I didn’t have anyone to ask out.  I bit the bullet and signed up for online dating.  Lo and behold, there were dozens of beautiful girls, just waiting to be asked out!  Many of them I knew and had never realized it would be possible to date them. The truth is, they want to be in a relationship, too, and were just waiting to be asked out!

2. It is better to be rejected than to regret not trying.
When I started seeing a counselor, I told him about a girl I’d had a crush on for years.  She was so beautiful, funny and kind that she scared the daylights out of me!  My counselor told me to ask her out, and wouldn’t drop it until I did. The date itself was horrifying. I learned I could do it, and I swore I’d never again get in that cycle of fear and regret. 

3. Birds of a feather flock together.
Know a girl who seems just perfect, but she’s unavailable?  Get to know her friends!  Wonder why you keep dating terrible hateful human beings? Do they seem to be all alike and hang out in the same places?  The old adage is true! Birds of a feather flock together.  Find out where a good one flocks, and you’ll find more just like her. (Unfortunately, they’ll probably be friends. Play it cool.)

4. Never trust a profile picture taken at an odd angle in a car.
Here’s a hard earned lesson from the alternative universe of on-line dating: If someone is taking a picture at an odd angle that doesn’t make any sense, they’re hiding something.  Trust me.

5. Do something free on the first date.
Chances are you will go on a fair number of first dates.  Wait to do something fancy until you think she’s worth keeping around.  It also forces you to be creative. This increases the chance of making great memories!

6. Judge by fruit.
I could put this one in any section, but I’ll keep it here.  Like John the Baptist said, judge a tree by its fruit.  You can’t have a relationship with “the person I think she could become someday.” You can only have a relationship with the person she is today.  The best predictor of future behavior is past performance.  Continue Reading…