I spent a recent evening theologizing with my new friend, Jason.  Jason just got a  job with a non-profit here in San Antonio, but has spent most of the last few years in the trenches of New Orleans.  We talked about how working among the poor can drain you, and wreck your ability to live in the outside world.  You spend days on end exhausted, and never seem to get a full night’s sleep.  

There are months, years, where you wander into Churches, all you see is wasted money, people stagnant in their spiritual growth.  You know you need a faith family, but you can’t relate to those around you.   Even basic friendships are hard.  Words do no justice to what you’ve seen, and people wonder if you’ll start talking about something else.  When you look back at these times that have shaped you, you hate them and need them.

Occassionally, a guy like Jason moves beyond his jadedness, forgives the American church for it blind affluence, and gets back to work.  Others, jump back into their lives of abundance, while still others walk away from the church altogether.  Jason is not a unique story.  It seems like many of the most mature Christians I know have been as hurt by God as they have been healed by him. 

I posed the question: is it neccessary? Can we serve the poor and grow spiritually without being totally wrecked ourselves?  Neither of us had a good answer.  

Perhaps the only way to grow closer to God is to let him scar you so deeply that you must return to let him heal you.