Archives For thankful

A few months back I decided it was time to get back on the horse when it came to dating.  Over the previous two years I had been recovering from a break up, losing a job, and moving.  I had been on a few dates, but wasn’t actively seeking a relationship.  I was still kind of new in town, and my church community is small and mostly married, so I bit the bullet and asked OkCupid and eHarmony for help.  After a few months and more first dates than I can count, here’s what I’m thankful for, and a few suggestions for anyone who might give it a try:

1.  It forces you to be specific.  What do you want?  Why?  What does that really look like?  What are your deal breakers?  Imagine how many doomed-from-the-beginning relationships you could have avoided by answering a few questions.

2.  You learn to tell your story. Likewise, it’s important to quickly communicate what’s important to you.  Don’t share everything.  The worst dates I’ve been on is when a girl shared with her whole life story, including habits and mistakes that are less than appealing.  Let that come up in time.

3.  It’s like looking in the mirror.  Every time you present yourself to someone else, you get a glimpse of what they see.  I don’t come across nearly as self confident or merciful as I’d like.  I tend to get bogged down in painfully deep conversation.  I’d probably have more second dates if I loosened up on the first.

And a few tips for anyone that’s interested in giving it a try:

1.  Be honest. You might be able to hide your height or weight online, but not when you meet face to face.  Present yourself, both in pictures and description confidently, but not misleading.  Talk about what you really do and really love. There’s nothing worse than being stuck with the check after an evening with a person who was completely different than they presented themselves.

2.  Have low expectations.  When I started a friend warned me against it.  She was afraid the sheer numbers could be depressing.  Whereas in real life, you might get blown off, flaked out on, or have a disappointing encounter once every few months, this process means you might have those painful experiences a few times a week.  You can’t let it get you down.

3.  Don’t let it replace having a life.  I’m happy for those people that met the perfect someone on-line, but I’m not one of them.  Use the web as a tool to supplement your social life, not replace it.  People have been successfully meeting without profiles for thousands of years.  Plus, interesting stories and hobbies are required for a good profile or face to face conversation.

4.  Don’t do it if you don’t have room.  If you’re too busy, too caught up in your own drama, or just have a life too full of friends or family for a significant other, don’t waste someone else’s time.  Wait to seek a relationship until you want one, and are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to bring someone else into your life.

Things I’m Thankful For: Retail

Chris —  November 25, 2010

In 2009 I was unemployed for 7 months.  I couldn’t get a job flipping burgers.  Then, the day that I moved to Austin, I got a job in retail.  I don’t think I’ll spend the bulk of my career in retail, but it’s also probably the most fun job I’ve ever had.

My two previous jobs had been working for churches, in position that were more focused on the details of administration than they were on serving our community or neighborhood.  They were great jobs because I believed in what the organization stood for, and occasionally I an opportunity to do stuff I was passionate about.  But the constant focus on administrative details was so draining for my ADHD brain, it became increasingly difficult just to keep up.

My job these days is pretty simple.  I stand around in a crowded room and answer people’s questions.  I help them solve problems.  I help them find the tools they need to do their job, and often, create their art.  As fun as that is, I just mainly love the people I work with.

After a recent meeting, a bunch of us got up on stage and rocked out.  I even harmonized to my karaoke fall back Creep by Radiohead.  I work with a ridiculously talented group of people, who can just grab their instrument, and starting entertaining a crowd, without rehearsal.  Break time  conversations usually center around funny internet videos, character development on Battlestar Gallactica, or upcoming concerts.  I have never seen anyone fight, and rarely seen people angry with each other.

The amazing thing is, I don’t feel like I “left ministry.”  As I heard a friend say once, “I talk about Jesus more than I ever did in an air conditioned office.”  One day, I had a friend ask me to explain the movie “Passion of the Christ” to my co-workers.  Another time, I spent a 15 minute break explaining the difference between single and double predestination.  I’ve met almost every church planter in Austin at the store.  I’ve shared stories about smuggling Bibles in China and memories of the green hills of Uganda with African missionaries.

I have one friend who, despite being very spiritual in nature, hasn’t been able to find a church in Austin.  The other day he told me “you wear your faith well at work.”

It’s the biggest compliment you could give me.

I’m thankful for retail.  It doesn’t exactly fulfill the needs of my bank account.  But it has been achance to live out my faith in the radical nature of the Kingdom of Christ.  And it’s been a lot of fun.

Things I’m Thankful For: Bikes

Chris —  November 22, 2010

For the last few years, I’ve spent this week making note of what makes me thankful.  It’s the best way I know to refocus my mind, especially in dark times.  I’d encourage everyone to list out things they are thankful for, every day. It will change your world.

The first thing I’m thankful for is bikes.  This year, after an incredible 210k, the Nissan which I refer to as “The Car Jesus Gave Me” got to a point it wasn’t worth repairing.  Money has been tight, so rather taking out another loan, I’ve been doing life on a bike.

It’s required an investment.  Helmet, rack, panniers, and lights for starters. It’s also required a lifestyle change.  You leave earlier.  You plan on carrying some extra clothes and block out time to get changed.  You learn to deal with rain and heat.  Worst of all, you have to say no to things you want to do, but can’t bike to.

The rewards are pretty great.  When the season changed, it meant that I’d spend a minimum of an hour outside on perfect 70º Austin Fall day.  As life gets busy, I have no choice but to get a good cardiovascular workout.  Which has an effect on your mood, too.  Today was one of many days I took out disheartened and arrived feeling pretty darn good.  The extra time in commute is taken up with some of my favorite stuff, audiobooks and podcasts.There’s been more than one time I looked out at the highway, with stressed out people in their air conditioned bubbles, and thought “suckers.”

Like many of the things in life I’m thankful for this year, I wouldn’t have chosen it.  But the fact is, I love my life on a bike.

Special shout out to my rockin’ roomie who loaned me the bike, and who’s also a pretty good blogger.

Previous Year’s lists:

7 Things I’m Thankful For (2009)
50 Things I’m Thankful For (2008)

Picture Courtesy Matt Crouch.  That’s me in the red.