Comments on: 7 Things Singles Need from the Church (A Valentines Post)

By: jlleblanc

jlleblanc — Wed, 11 Feb 2015 05:39:37 +0000

Great article! However, I would possibly change number #2 to something more along the lines of “help us discern our spiritual vocations.” Single people in their 20s and 30s don’t necessarily have more time on their hands. I know plenty of Christian singles who have pursued careers (architecture, medicine, etc…) that more than a 40-hour workweek before you even get to continuing education and/or professional development. A lot of churches get the message “single people have extra free time on their hands” and translate it into “let’s find a bunch of volunteer opportunities for singles and then badger them into signing up.”

By: ollwenjones

ollwenjones — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:51:51 +0000

@timoteostewart I don’t know why I feel compelled to give strangers advice, sometimes. 😉 Thanks for that gracious response.

By: ollwenjones

ollwenjones — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:51:14 +0000

@ChrisMorton82 Those are some good and candid observations.
There’s a principle in Mosaic Law where men would be turned away from joining the army in battles during their first year of marriage, and in mine I found myself saying ‘no’ a lot more often. It’s important for couples to build that intimacy early on before the pressures of life hit. And when kids do come, it gets really challenging to be involved in things. Small children are just exhausting, make it harder to find time to connect to one’s spouse, and with early bed-times (like 7:30-8:30pm), it’s usually impossible to make it to those 7:30-11pm hangouts we used to frequent as singles.

Those are the challenges, but what you say about community for singles holds true for couples as well. There is sanctification that can only happen in community. There’s sometimes a need to be insular (the kids are throwing up, yay!) but without the extended family/natural village community structure, who is going to help us with the kids, to lighten the load and make sure we have time to build into our relationship except our community? Where except community can we build into single’s lives, help them learn to interact with children; let our kids have meaningful adult relationships, and maybe cash in some baby-sitting time? Real community is a lot messier, but it can fill the needs of singles and couples in ways that targeted institutional programming can’t begin to do.

Going from zero to deep community is a challenge though, especially in our kind of media-saturated individualistic culture. It’ll take effort and time, but I think you’ve outlined some really good goals for it to pursue.

By: ChrisMorton82

ChrisMorton82 — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 12:38:22 +0000

@timoteostewart @ollwenjones If that Proverb was written today I’m pretty sure it’d be phrased “get you sh*t together before you drag someone else into it.” We all have two types of baggage. The type we have to work out on our own, and the kind that only works out in community. My advice to most single people is the same: find mentors, get some counseling, live with roommates. It’s not a cure, but I believe it will take you a long way in the right direction.

By: ChrisMorton82

ChrisMorton82 — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 12:34:16 +0000

@ollwenjones Sam, you’re getting at a point that I haven’t earned the right to talk about yet. There is this weird practice in which young couples of hide themselves away, I call it “us versus the world.” When they have kids, they sometimes become even more insular, putting undue pressure on the marriage and leading to some weird family relationships. The need for community is not a singles problem, but a cultural problem. I hope you and your lady are figuring it out. Maybe you can bring her to hang out in DC in April?