Jim and Casper Goes to Church describes a conversation between evangelical popstar Erwin McManus and Casper the Friendly Atheist. While impressed with McManus’ charisma and ability to communicate, Casper walked away feeling like McManus had been talking at him.
It didn’t sound too different than a 3 minute interaction I had once with McManus. The difference was, I wanted to be “talked at,” because I respected his status as an author and speaker.
This won’t work for those of us who want to build true, meaningful relationships with who have different values and no reason to respect us. Some Christians have gotten better at being hip and relevant, but that doesn’t matter if people don’t “know how much you care.” Most un-churched and de-churched hipsters would rather have a real conversation with an uncool person, than be talked at by someone with an iPod and designer denim.
Some keys I’ve learned about listening:
- Look the other person in the eye
- Ask more questions than you answer
- Remember their answers
- Look for common threads
- Find out what they’re passionate about
- Don’t be mysterious, but don’t make the conversation about you
- Keep your opinions to yourself, unless your asked
- Learn their story, everything else grows out of where they’ve been
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