In my first five years out of college, I made four major moves between cities, and 12 majors moves between houses and apartments. Some of the moves were for career, some were for location. All of them were chasing the idea that the right location and job would make me happy. Calling it “grass is greener” mentality is too simplistic. It was a desire to find what I was good at, and find a place where I could experience community.
However, I was also motivated by an general sense of dissatisfaction with life and discomfort in my own skin. I often blamed the city I was living in.
Austin is one of those cities where young people move in troves. Some of them come here for jobs, but most of them come here for lifestyle. They want to be in a place for of art, music and activity. The city is known for the saying “Keep Austin Weird,” and weirdos from around the world have taken that as an invitation.
There are a surprising number of people who came to Austin, and after a year or two are off to New York or Portland or Seattle or San Fran. Some leave for good reason, like family or a great job opportunity. But others leave just to move on to the next thing.
I hate to admit it, but staying in Austin is hard for me. I adore the city and I find myself being pulled deeper and deeper into community. But I get antsy. I hear college kids say the word “internship” and it sounds magical. Once you’ve become accustomed to instability, consistency and commitment are scary.
It’s easy to focus on the ways in which you don’t connect, the reasons you’re not happy and what’s wrong with the people around you. It’s hard to look inward, and ask what you really want, and why you keep chasing it. It’s easy to date but hard to be married. It’s easy to buy fast food and it’s hard to farm. It’s easy to couch surf and hard to buy a house.
Expecting to find what you’re looking for a city, job or relationship is more than any of those things can deliver. Figuring out who you are and what you’re looking for is the only way you’ll ever learn to stay still.
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