Archives For Relationships

The Ones that Got Away (Day After Valentines Thoughts)

Chris —  February 15, 2011

There may be some legitimate history to Valentine’s Day, but best I can tell it was a joint creation between 1-800-Flowers and the makers of predictably rom-coms with short lived starlets.

For the most part, our generation isn’t too crazy about marriage. We put it off, or substitute a series of common law arrangements. Add to our generational fear of commitment, there are those of us with the “late bloomer” personality.

My romantic history is mainly a series of stories of idealized women I pined for and never made a move, with the occasional fly-by-night heartbreaks that left me incapacitated for months afterwards. And then there’s the ones that got away. Perfectly wonderful women, beautiful, Jesus-luvin’ ladies, that I just didn’t make an effort to pursue.

For those of us who just can’t seem to make it happen, love seems like a constant mystery. There are some amazing guys who just can’t seem to click with a girl. Fantastic ladies who seem to always be ignored. We busy ourselves with good work and good friends. Privately, we obsess over the ones that got away, regretfully reliving the lost opportunities every time they pop up in conversation or on the Facebook feed.

What can we do differently? If only we knew. Until then, we do the best to get our lives together. Maybe therapy, or a good group of friends, or a hobby. We save up money, work out, travel, and try to have meaningful friendships. We put ourselves out there, trying speed dating or online dating or blind dating.

With a little work, asking out a total stranger that you have little in common with is easy. But when you get to know a pretty one whom you also respect, and suddenly curl up in a ball and start doing all that nice guy stuff that always lands you in the friend-zone.

But, if we’re smart, we take the chances we didn’t when we were younger.

If we’ve learned anything, we know that failure isn’t nearly as bad as watching another one get away.

In Life , , ,
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My Kind of Woman (pt. 2)

Chris —  October 19, 2010

I’m currently working on a Master’s of Arts in Global Leadership, and occasionally, I’ll share some thoughts from what I’m learning.

Smack in the middle of the worst stories in the Bible is Ruth, a true love story, unlike anything else found in the Bible.  Ruth is a woman who takes the risks necessary to fulfill her commitments.

We first meet Ruth in depths of tragedy.  While mourning the loss of her husband, father-in-law and a brother-in-law, she chooses to abandon her own people and stick with her mother-in-law Naomi, no matter what the cost.

This is more complicated than we might realize.  Ruth is a Moabitess, one of the peoples that the book of Judges blames for all of Israel’s difficulties.  She is a widow.  She has to deal with a bitter old woman in the depths of depression.  Ruth is a migrant worker, although today’s American situation is not an exact parallel, one can assume that this was not a well respected career.

Ruth survives and goes on to have a monumental place in history because of her willingness to go after Boaz.  I’ve met so many great Christian girls who hide in the background, fill their days with Bible Studies and girls nights to the point they unavailable to the good things around them.  Ruth worked with Naomi to concoct a plan to win the love of Boaz.  No one knows exactly what happened that night on the threshing floor, but we know for sure it was a risk.

Ruth is willing to take a risk, go where women aren’t allowed, set herself up for possible rejection.  Ruth has a lot to teach us about commitment, and the risk it involves. That’s why Ruth is my kind of woman.

In God, Life , , ,
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An Occasional Observation of Single Life

Chris —  March 20, 2009

An Excuse

Sitting across a room-a church sanctuary or a crowded bar-and you can help but stare at her beguiling smile.

Scour the room for an excuse to initiate conversation.  Her shirt?  Never heard that band…  Her drink?  Don’t like beer…  The book she’s reading?  You don’t read Jane Austen…

You can’t walk up and say, “Hi, my name’s Chris.  I think you have beautiful eyes, and if I didn’t find a way to come over here find out a little more about yourself, I’d be up all night regretting it.”

In High School and College you had no choice but to rub shoulders with people every day.  Now you’re on your own.  Life outside the cubicle is an awkward game of forcing yourself into social circles to make new, shallow relationships.  Any bonding happens over alcohol, because you don’t have time for anything else.  Your only hope is to come up with an excuse.

You rack your brain trying to come up with the courage to say something that doesn’t sound like the lame pick up line it really is.  She touches the hand of some other guy who made her laugh.  Or she leaves.  You order another drink, and wish you’d come up with an excuse.

In Culture, Life , , , , , ,
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